News Report

BIGFOOT FOUND ALIVE

Sensitive About Foot Size

CALIFORNIA -- It was a day many had thought would never come. Experts had argued for nearly a century about the existence of the highly elusive creature, having only amateur photographs and unreliable accounts upon which to base their theories. This weekend however, as if returning from a day of fishing, the mythical "Bigfoot" emerged from the forest in Bluff Creek, California, where he had been spotted a little over a half-century ago. The Daily Bluff caught up the monstrous beast later that day for an interview.

"Sasquatch is the name I prefer", he told our reporters, claiming all the attention around his abnormally large feet has caused him much anxiety over the years. "It's bad enough trying to find shoes that fit. I don't need to be constantly reminded." 

Puzzled when asked where he had been all these years, Bigfoot denied hiding from public contact, exclaiming "I even posed for pictures when the opportunity came up."

Standing nearly seven feet tall and weighing over 800 pounds, Bigfoot has garnered much interest from the local NBA team, the L.A. Lakers. Team management believes he would fit very well with their current lineup and give them the size and strength they have been missing since the departure of Shaquille O'Neal  in 2004.

"He's definitely the type of player we've been looking for", said Coach Mike Brown in a phone interview, "although we'll have to contact the league officials to bypass the current rules against signing bipedal creatures to league contracts."

"Basketball seems fun", commented Bigfoot,"whatever that is."

For now, though, Bigfoot has stated that he'd rather take it slow while adjusting to life in the city. 

"People have been pretty nice to me on the streets", he told reporters when asked about what he thought about finally visiting the city. "I guess we'll see how everything plays out."

"Also, stop calling me Bigfoot."

The Daily Bluff will be sure to stay up to date on Bigfoot`s situation over the coming weeks and months.